Is it Okay to Pray for Someone Without their Consent?

From knuckle sandwich to big hug. 

That’s pretty much the spectrum of my emotional response when someone says, “I’m praying for you.” Context is everything, right? Delivered passive-aggressively, “I’m praying for you” can be a blunt insult. From a trusted friend, however, it can be a grounding reassurance.

Maybe that’s why I hesitate to pray at all for my friends who don’t know Jesus. I’m worried about how they’d feel if they knew they were on my “prayer list”. Would it make them feel like a number? A project? I don’t want that, and so I often avoid praying for them altogether. It feels weird to pray for them secretly.

But when praying for someone seems like harming them, it’s time for a gut check. What do I hope will happen as a result of praying? Has my attitude toward prayer been hijacked by our culture’s cult of “progress” and “return on investment”? Prayer isn’t our supernatural way to control circumstances and people. 

So what if we prayed for communion instead of control?

What if praying for my friends who don’t know Jesus is more about letting Jesus show me his heart for them? Letting go of my agenda for their lives (even if it seems very spiritual) and surrendering to God’s will and timing. Asking God for the grace to genuinely will their good even if they never believe or behave as I do. That’s communion–sharing my heart for my friend with Jesus and letting him form his heart more and more in me. 

Jesus corrected me a bit on this when I was driving to meet a friend who doesn’t know him. As I realized I don’t often pray for my friend, I sensed Jesus interrupting my guilt and inviting me to communion. I felt invited to ask Jesus, “Could you help me see your image in my friend?” Immediately, several things came to mind. Later on, my friend was speaking in a self-derogatory way and I had the chance to naturally share with him all the things Jesus had helped me notice in the car on the way over! Jesus had imparted some of his heart for my friend to me, and I got to be the voice of God to my friend. Communion with Jesus translated immediately and directly into communion with my friend. No need to control God (i.e. “convince my friend”). No need to control my friend (i.e. “God change him”). Just praying to join God by affirming what he’s already done in my friends life. 

So will you join me in this simple prayer practice? 

First: Pick one of these groups: family, friends, work, neighborhood.
Next: Pick one person from that group. 

Now, ask God: Where are you already at work in this person’s life? What do they need right now? How can I become an experience of Jesus to them?

As we do this, may the Holy Spirit help us do less controlling and more communing, with the Father and those where we live, work, learn, and play.